Learning how to Let Go. We can’t “fix” anyone ❤
I have been a healer for 20 years now and in all these 20 years I still believe I have a lot to learn and can even possibly benefit from going back to college and learning psychology.
My work takes a lot of patience. I have to learn the difference between one of my clients being passive aggressive or simply not having the understanding of reading my cues.
I recently let go of a client who I only now realized suffers from Asperger’s syndrome. I don’t know how to treat Aspberger’s syndrome or how to spell it but I really had difficulty understanding his compulsive behavior and his rigidity. I know he suffered from severe clinical depression and he was diagnosed with depression from a clinical psychologist. What I did not know was he only saw his psychiatrist once in a blue moon so it was not “talk therapy” like a social worker but a twenty minute chat to figure out if the medication dosage was still strong enough and to find out if it was still the correct medicine for his treatment since bodies become tolerant and sometimes the antidepressant will stop working its magic.
What upset me was his admission to me that he was still a hardcore drinker and he paired his meals with a bottle of wine or more even though he was seeing me for tantra healings. I thoroughly enjoyed his company but one evening early this month he called me unannounced out of the blue and told me he was literally a mere 20 minutes away from me so could he stop by for a session.
He ended up being drunk and I saw him for all of three hours when he simply fell asleep on my bed. I did not mind as he had already paid me but usually when people schedule a longer session with me I am to be paid appropriately for my time but what do you do when your client falls asleep on your bed?
I tried maintaining boundaries with him but once we became face book friends he saw when I was online because during days when I am NOT busy I like to post pictures or poetry or write short essays here like journal entries so I can learn from my mistakes. He started sending me private messages not once or twice a day but 30 times a day and then wanted to make me cake and bring it on over to my home without booking a session just drop by here on the weekend. He also wanted another sleep over but I do not really offer sleep overs unless someone understands this is going to be an educational retreat and we are not going to “sleep together” but learn together and share sacred space with teachings. I am flexible I will share my time during the day OR evening but my bed and my space are my sanctuary and I like to have something for myself.
I sent him a long private message delineating my boundaries and explained to him that I have extended myself enough already and offered him deep discounts knowing he needs the attention but we are not “friends” or boyfriend and girlfriend and I don’t private message anyone 30 times a day because I have no desire to connect with anyone so often.
At first he seemed fine with the fact that I established my boundaries but then he got passive aggressive and said he would see me in two weeks even though I explained to him I don’t plan my life that far in advance just in case I wish to travel and enjoy some warmer weather elsewhere.
He then said plans were only tentative and so I let it go had some much needed energy work done on myself and came home only to find my phone was flooded with work from some very positive people visiting Chicago. After a day filled with sessions I opened up my email box only to find that he was commanding me to remove the testimonial he had written me a year ago. I told him he need not worry I will not encroach up his space and his legal name is not being displayed on my site so he should not be concerned. He sent me hate mail indicating that I am hard to figure out and I have the early symptoms of bipolar disorder. I know for a fact I don’t have bipolar disorder but I did recommend he stop mixing his antidepressants with alcohol because it distorts the mind and makes you act impulsively. So there after a full year and a half of giving of my time generously and supporting his progress I realized I may have potentially harmed this person more than helped him as he misread my generosity for “love”. I took him at face value I accepted his behaviors and never judged but my actions gave him the idea that this was a “relationship” not a Healing. I did enjoy his company and his opinions but what I did not understand till now is he has asperger’s syndrome and he lacks the skills necessary to read me or know how to behave based on my cues. I had no intention of ever abandoning him but I was advising him that talk therapy is very crucial to treating depression. I am going to assume that his depression is caused because of his loneliness and his divorce. I don’t believe his divorce was his idea because he told me that every Valentine’s day who ever he is dating he “dumps” and so this week he decided to break all ties with me so he could live out that same scenario.
I can only hope he decides for himself that this is no longer a life he wishes to lead if each time he connects with anyone he must abandon them before they abandon him. He does have anger around him and I am still trying to cleanse my space to let that anger leave my home and not affect me.
Here are the cues that someone has asperger’s syndrome :
Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject
Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes
Appearing not to understand, empathize with or be sensitive to others’ feelings
Having a hard time “reading” other people or understanding humor
Speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast
Moving clumsily, with poor coordination
I ONLY now found this online and it matches most of the aspects of my former client’s personality. I wish I would have understood more fully the nature of his condition so I could have handled his feelings more carefully. I have a lot to learn. I am not a licensed clinical psychologist but I do understand a lot of human nature since I come into contact with many people over the phone and in my tantra yoga practice. I feel upset that his “therapist” is not insisting that this man receive talk therapy 2 or 3 times a week so he can learn social clues and boundaries. I like to withdraw from all contact because I need space to process the energy I receive but something tells me this man would heal if someone could teach him about empathy and reading cues.
When someone lacks empathy they can not place themselves in anyone’s shoes. They can not fully understand why someone has spiritual values or has faith or cries or worries. They don’t feel they think things through. When I worked with this man’s energy I would ask him to pause, breathe and share with me any energetic sensations he might be having. Instead of sharing feelings with me he told me he felt floaty and was at peace. Well that is all fine and good but he never shared rage, or pain, or tingling sensations or hunger pangs. I felt at times that I was working with a cold, emotionless robot but I would not get upset I would just try to understand where he was coming from. I shared with him my out of body experiences and he seemed fascinated with my tales but to him these were just “tales” artful pieces of fiction I shared with him not my real experience as a healer. I believe in the paranormal simply because I have had so many intangible experiences that I either saw, heard or felt spirit move me. I truly felt sorry for this man and I don’t know how some people can go through the functions of leading normal lives but not having anything “move” them to tears or propel them to change their actions and try something different.
This man lead a very rigid, routine life. He would go home at a certain time or participate in “betting” while having a cocktail at a betting place. If he was not betting he would prepare himself a dinner then take photos of his dinner and describe what he had prepared. Another constant in his life was me so he placed me in that same “box” of “things” to do rather than a ceremony to share with sacred other.