Well I just returned to my native soil last weekend and it’s just like that old saying…you take yourself with you no matter where you go.
I will be honest I was thrilled to be back but not thrilled to be greeted to such cold last weekend from Atlanta, Georgia. Atlanta, Georgia to me was an experiment and even though I truly loved the warmer climate and the lush plant life it was aggravating for me to figure out a way to maneuver myself around the city without a car and without knowing how to drive. I guess I could have taken driving lessons and honestly I will make that my goal (again) for the year 2014 so the next time I leave Chicago I will feel more “settled” and I won’t fee “trapped”.
Tantra yoga is the study of how to let go of all sense of what you know and let go of your mind so you don’t feel so cloistered. I always have so much to learn. It is so simple for me to relax someone thoroughly who trusts me to their bare energy and I must say there is no greater joy for me to receive than to share my knowledge of tantra massage to couples or give someone their first taste of real medicine work the taste of their own unique energy as it is tapped and set free through Kundalini shakti.
I not only moved out of the city of Chicago for the warmer weather but I wanted to get to know a very special man I had grown very fond of that I had met through face book. We initially met on that venue but only flirted a few times casually but I fell in love with his posts, his spirit and his gorgeous looks. Remember that old saying ….beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Well to me he was the perfect being both in his sensitivities to subtle energies and his raw sexual animal appeal to me. When I showed his picture to some of my clients they thought he looked a bit like a rock star but others thought he looked a bit “touched”. NO matter to me he was everything I wanted to get to know so we spent a full year on the phone together three years while I was living full time in the city of Chicago.
Patrick filled a void in me I knew I had been missing and we spent almost every day on the phone together typically from 1 a.m. until 7 or 8a.m. just creating stories and mythos and I fell in love with his voice, his sense of play and his hopefulness. We had some fights every so often but we seemed to resolve them quickly and it felt so bittersweet and heavenly to get to know this man through our agreements, our shared laughter and his astral visits. I guess you could say he had a remarkable talent for astral travel and to me that is likened to any session I wish to receive during a therapeutic massage and during a private one on one healing with any client of mine who trusts me enough to share their spirit and their energy with me.
I decided to move to Atlanta, Georgia so i could have the chance to not only feel Patrick’s energies on the astral plane but actually have the chance to be with him in real time and in the real moments that make up a real relationship. Sadly though once I lived in Atlanta full time Patrick did seem awkward to me and ashamed that he was not in a greater position of strength in his life. He used to be a very affluent muralist and artist but life circumstances and our shaky economic system put a damper on Patrick’s abilities to take care of himself so he admitted the truth to me about not having enough money sometimes to even put gas in his truck and that interfered greatly with his pride and his ability to even pay me enough visits to keep me company.
I became frustrated with this scenario and as I struggled to market my service in Atlanta, Georgia I also tried to assure Patrick I required more of his free time and attention but somehow when he had the rare chance to work he also needed to reserve what little gas money he had to use it as transportation money to and from his odd and end jobs. Another thing that got in the way was his ailing father who needed Patrick’s assistance almost every single major holiday and each weekend so I felt as if I had moved to Atlanta Georgia for nothing. Patrick was so ashamed of his inability to look good in my eyes that he shut me out a lot more and decided against inviting me to meet his immediate family. To all of you I am sure you are smiling an all knowing smile and thinking Patrick surely must have been married but no Patrick was living a Co dependent existence with his brother who was mentally unwell and his parents who gave Patrick a free house to stay in in exchange of course for Patrick’s care taking abilities.
What does this say about me? It says I am beyond patient because for two full years I went on the hope alone of eventually having Patrick include me more in his life. I had hoped I would gradually be getting much busier in Atlanta but somehow people did not find me online or maybe there was a strong lack of desire for tantra massage in Atlanta. And now that I am back here full time in Chicago I am saddened because it seems I was more welcome as a visiting Tantra Goddess than a full time tantra massage therapist.
Time for a second career I say and time does indeed heal all wounds but I became disgusted with Patrick’s treatment of me in all of this. I am the partner who was waiting or him to make up his mind. In Patrick’s eyes he felt my move was all my idea yet for a full year he said he would love it if I would give Atlanta Georgia a chance and be near him. Patrick initially had promised to include me in his tribal gatherings so I could connect with his friends and feel a true sense of community. What soured the city of Atlanta for me was the disappointment in knowing Patrick had no intentions of ever introducing me to his dearest friends or including me in any sacred ceremonies because he was jealous of me and what I do for a living.
I traveled for two full years spending each holiday abroad and getting to know people from all over the United States just immersing myself in my work and truly enjoying the freedom of travel without relying on anyone else to bring me joy.
I am now regrettably not even friends with Patrick but to be honest with you I have no deep desire to ever meet with him again or hear his voice because he could not honor the work I represent he could only feel insecure and jealous of who I am as a Goddess.
I love to share myself and I love to share my passion. As I am trying to ground my energy here in Chicago I sense this city has changed and people are more fearful and less trusting than I remember them to be. I am contacted quite a bit when people find me online but only a handful of people feel that sense of trust to just plunge in and try a session with me.
Here I am and I have nothing but myself to share. I am open and I am an open vehicle of healing if someone is honest enough with me about doing the work. This work involves mutual sharing of energies and mutual sharing of trust. When you trust someone implicitly you receive more than you bargained for.
I invite you to share a bit of magic with me this December. I have went through a lot of changes get to know one of my soul mate energies and I am fully present to focus my time with anyone here in the city of Chicago who is ready to journey with me and let go of their armoring. You can only hold onto armor for so long and then you simply realize it’s just weighing you down and is hindrance to bliss.
Goddess Diana http://www.tantrabutterfly.com