Is Tantra Sex? Well Is Tantra Sex? I like to think of Tantric Yoga as the teaching of tolerance, self preservation, boundaries and at last self love. So many potential students call me on the phone and they are not sure what they are looking for but they know they want to be touched and understood. They know they are seeking a change in their outlook either in the way they approach intimacy with their love partner or in the way they wish to hopefully ignite more passion in the sensual well being.
Sometimes we simply shut down our sensual appetites and energies and we are focused on maintaining our daily work routines only cohabiting with our mate. But we as human beings crave touch and even though we can live in a state of temporary denial our bodies will eventually lead us to feed those simple and most basic of human needs — the sacredness of touch and intimacy.
So again I ask of you. Is Tantric Yoga sex? Is Tantric yoga simply the study of having the most mind blowing sex you might ever have with your beloved? Each time I meet a new friend on the street they will always want to know what it is I do for a living and I smile and say I am a Tantric Yoga Educator and I teach couple’s tantra. They might be embarrassed or a light bulb will brighten in their crown chakra and they will beam and say “Oh I know what Tantric Yoga is! You teach people how to have better sex!” I smile a little to myself and I let them know that I go through rituals of celibacy where I maintain breathe and I simply coach couples on how to better preserve their sexual energy and learn the practice of Conscious touch. Yes learning the all important touch that activates your heart space and sends that loving energy into your partner’s body is what I teach and it does not necessarily involve sex but it does enhance your ability to be more sensitive, more thoughtful with your lover and better able to tune into your own body as you feel the energy pulsing through in a constant loop from your heart to your lover’s heart and back to you again.
Yes, everyone wants to understand the allure of Tantric Yoga and the role of the Dakini as the Sacred healer who plays the role of Sacred goddess and all nurturing being in the sacred art of Kundalini activation.
So many women visualize the Kama Sutra and they envision sexy Temple Dancers who seduce their lovers and who seem to know the mysteries of exotic sexual positions to keep their lovers content and happy so they will never think of straying. The art and the act of seduction is what most people think of when they conjure up thoughts of spicy tantric sex. Who wouldn’t want to learn
how to become a temptress or a Tiger or Tigress in bed? We have all seen movies at least once in our lifetime of Bollywood and the gorgeous and bold dancers who ultimately tease, entice, enthrall and control the object of their affection simply by rolling their eyes a certain way and swaying a bit of gauzy material seductively over their hips to increase their lover’s desire.
But is this the true reality of tantric yoga? Are we going to base our opinions on Bollywood and art and smoke and mirrors? Of course it is fun to play dress up and wear bindi or use henna to decorate our beautiful goddess bodies. But I try to avoid taking on students who are seeking pure fantasy and not the opening of pure energy that is shared between a Goddess and her student. Of course I do not mind a bit of role play and all allusion can open doors of pleasure, self discovery and some simple laughter which is healing too. But I would prefer to give someone a gift a new toy to play with so to speak in their trunk filled with old toys that no longer serve a purpose. I would prefer to take someone to a place of safety and complete self acceptance so that their doors are open to even more healing and better opportunities for greater love interests to come their way. There is no short cut to great sex. Great sex is a bonus when you can combine your heart muscle, your compassion to your love muscle your power of abundance. The two power centers once activated and combined can not only increase your intuition and abundance but can lead you to a permanent fountain of youth as you learn the art of having Tantric orgasms rather than short lived primal sex without focus.
My journey as a healer began 15 years ago when I learned the power of the chakra systems and I decided that I wanted to expand my practice of sensual massage and learn the practice of tantric yoga since I needed to learn how to incorporate the breath in my work. I never really focused on my own breathing practice or ritual and I never understood why certain healers were breathing so heavily when they did energy work or rolfing on me. I finally realized it was time for me to let go of my fear of learning and let go of my ego so I could learn the right way to take in the breathe completely. I will now relate a story of one of my workshops I took in Hawaii — a workshop that helped to change my outlook on what tantra truly is and what profound energies are opened up during a group self discovery class.
I remember one workshop I attended lead by a Charles Muir. A young and attractive woman he was dating was chosen as the class demo for the honoring of the yoni namely The Goddess Worship session. This woman, a theatrical and ravishing red haired goddess was very much in touch with her divine feminine and she was well aware of her gifts and her allure as a healer and muse. She was dressed beautifully like an Egyptian priestess and her long straight red hair hit her waist like sinewy snakes. Everyone’s eyes were pealed on her ivory skin– a garnet hip chain so delicately tracing the curves of her perfect hour glass shape. Each man and woman in the class was enthralled and could not keep their eyes off her natural beauty. It was as if the entire audience was hypnotized by the confidence she seemingly exuded. This was a woman who was in complete command of her divine feminine and she was there in a circle of classmates that all honored her divine feminine.
Namae was in complete ecstasy at one point and then alternatively cried and screamed out in pain as her g-spot was activated by our teacher. We were all well aware that Charles was not torturing her nor was he exuding any abnormal force on her pelvis or her sacred g-spot. We watched her writhing in pain and screaming for him to get out of her yoni and that it burned and he needed to get out of her immediately. We all watched deeply concerned and puzzled for we noticed only the most gentle of movements from his fingers and there was such a difference in her responsiveness from extreme pleasure to deepest torture. She later admitted to the class that she was molested as a child and certain explorations of her yoni could bring on the memories of this painful recollection and translated as a burning or extremely painful sensation.
She was very forceful and very expressive as the healing took place and her extreme vocalizations were piercing so that anyone witnessing her healing was deeply touched and reverent. We all bowed our heads in Namaste as the ceremony was concluded and the teacher gently withdrew his fingers from her yoni and thanked her for allowing us to witness her yoni’s healing.
We were left speechless and deeply impressed with her Goddess energy and the unfolding from bliss to agony and from agony to bliss.
One woman was brought to tears and she felt deeply inadequate and shared her fear with the entire group of men and women
that she herself was afraid that she might never feel that amount of pain, agony, ecstatic bliss and complete beautiful abandon
as this beautifully expressive Goddess who was just healed. She was so scared that she would feel nothing and she instantly compared her lack of expression as a form of deep wounding and inadequacy. She just exploded in tears and complete despondency and she shared her hopelessness with the group. Something deep within her psyche was triggered after viewing this great goddess healing. How would she be able to let herself go with such forcefulness and complete abandon as this wondrous red haired goddess who just shared her soul with the entire class watching on. Yes this work can shatter you. Yes watching a yoni healing can change your opinion of your own self worth and make you more self conscious about your own journey and the great steps you must take to heal yourself. But we learn to honor our own baby steps and we learn not to compare our progress with others’ evolution because we have our paths before us and we must honor our body’s cues.
That is what Tantra yoga can do for you. Tantric Yoga is not a path of instant gratification to ecstatic bliss . In fact you might have several rounds of Tantric Yoga healing sessions with someone you deeply trust and feel absolutely nothing. And that nothingness in itself is a rare gift because you are undergoing a healing. Healing need not be dramatic. Healing can take as little as one earth shaking session or it can take years of patient trial and error and diligence.
You might attend a few workshops and simply “never get it”. You might feel lost or unsure of yourself and your place with the others in your group. You have to understand Tantric yoga is a process and the energy you build up and the trust you build up with your own body and your partner are sacred stepping stones to enlightenment.
You might find your mind is willing but your body is just not quite there yet either because of poor health, poor nutrition, lack of exercise and or a deep wounding you have not fully confronted yet.
So is Tantric Yoga the art of simply having good sex? I like to think of Tantric Yoga as a healthy and sex positive way you can clear old and negative or outworn messages you send your body. Our bodies carry memories and the cells of our body carry your earlier childhood memories like imprints. A good tantric healing can present you with the unique opportunity to be yourself and simply let go of your will so you can let down your guard more. We bury so many repressed memories in our earlier childhood because sometimes that is what we need to do in order to survive and function with society and our day to day work. You can suppress only so much pain and the pelvis our second chakra can carry so many woundings that it becomes necessary to explore the terrain and unlock any keys that might be preventing you from receiving the bliss that is your birthright. Yes everyone deserves to feel pleasure and when we are allowed to feel this pleasure without shame or guilt we can unblock our creative life force and use these hidden joys as a source for a fountain of youth and to stimulate our pineal glands and the healthy secretion of our endocrine glands natural mood stabilizers and other hormones that promote a positive outlook on life.
Whether you are a man or a woman the second chakra represents creative life force and the opportunities to receive abundance so when you stimulate and send healing messages of unconditional love into your pelvis and use contraction exercise and pelvis thrusts you are opening up your second chakra and stimulating your waters. We call this stirring the waters in the Divine Feminine and whether your goal is to charge up and enliven your female energy (Shakti life force) or empower your male energy (shiva life force) your ultimate end result will be the unity between your entire chakra systems so that you are not cut off from your life force but you are reunited and empowered.
Tantra yoga therefore is the allowance of sexual abundance and the teaching of being present for your partner. The study of tantric yoga is not just the esoteric art of Divine Female and Divine Male; it is a practical, organic, healing and meditative practice that can enhance your ability to be more present and to be your more authentic self. Our goal is to extend and prolong the feelings of pleasure and to allow the pleasure to heal and empower our entire chakra system so we can draw up the divine sexual life force up our spinal column and activate our pineal glands allowing us to enhance our innate abilities and our psychic expansiveness and awareness.
It’s good to be grounded and to be aware of our physical bodies. People who suffer from sexual addictions can learn how to activate their heart awareness and become more empathic as a result of the heart and sacral chakra connection which forms a circular loop feeding itself and into each other. You can learn how to acknowledge your divinity and how to turn your baser desires into a more connective and intimate experience. Sometimes there is an imbalance and one is either overly sexually activated or they are completely shut down either from issues dealing with emotional traumas or physical abuse.
Being with a Tantric yoga practitioner that you trust can help you overcome these blocks and you do it with guided breathing techniques, creative visualization, toning and singing into the chakras and Conscious touch. In time you will learn the breathe and pulsation exercises almost like a good habit and it will be up to you to enhance these exercises with continued practice with a partner you trust at home and additional reading materials and workshops.
I find that the continued practice of Tantric yoga can alleviate stress, depression, self doubt and self consciousness. You will find yourself to be more confident and much more self aware. Your ability to state your boundaries will also be enhanced as you become more grounded and more aware of subtle energies. The act of prolonging sexual pleasure can take years off your appearance and the art of learning these tantric arts for the sake of creative life force can take away the pressure of performance anxiety because it is not so much the act of orgasm but the act of prolonging pleasure and your ability to feel pleasure. There is no true goal during a healing but the goal is open expression and expansiveness. So many times men feel the unnecessary pressure of performing for his lover and lasting longer but the art of tantric yoga keeps you focused on the act of intimacy and enjoying the moment of love making rather than the goal of simply achieving orgasm.
Just as it is unhealthy and unbalanced to be overly preoccupied with sexual energy and appetites it is also very dangerous to shut yourself off to pleasure and give up on the idea of feeling sexual energy ever again due to age or poor health. It is unhealthy and unnatural to ignore the first and second chakras and simply to pretend that your needs do not exist. If you shut down and close off one or more chakras you harm and hinder the healthy flow and abundant life force of the higher chakra systems and an imbalance can occur creating an unhealthy ripple effect which can ultimately hurt your physical and mental well being.
In conclusion I have an answer to your question. Is Tantra Sex? No you do not have to make love to someone in order to make Tantric love to their physical body. We are dealing with the chakra system a delicate system of circulating energy and you can easily learn to bring yourself to orgasm by becoming more proficient at opening your sexual energy with simple muscle exercises and focused breathing but this takes time, practice and patience. If your goal is to shift your energy and shift your consciousness then the natural flow of energy take place and the potential to receive Tantric Orgasms is within your grasp.
The study of Tantra helps you learn to alleviate your feelings of powerlessness or guilt. You can become more proactive as you learn to send healing and loving messages to your body as you create a healthy bridge connecting your higher chakras with your lower sexual chakras. We can not function if we cut off one chakra from the other almost like a “shadow box” effect. The chakra system simply does not work like that! Chakras are in constant flux shutting off and turning themselves on and always sending signals to each other. As you become skilled in the art of breath you are allowing your body to fully feed efficiently and heal and grow. You will eventually learn how to simply be in the moment rather than having to be in control. You will become more self aware and more self confident during your love making and you will get over your fears of intimacy. Ultimately the study of tantric Yoga is the study of honoring the Divine seed in yourself and to honor your sacred sexual energy as a Vessel of unconditional love and a fountain of inner healing and mental growth.
Tantric Love Making Traveling without Moving
Subtle touch also known as “water touch” is the most healing and powerful form of shifting your partner’s energy. Everyone feels safe and if you remember that the aura is the opening portal to sexual energy then you can allow your heart and good intentions to set the right mood to heal your lover.
The physical body responds to sound, touch, taste, sight, ether and smell. We are sentient beings so powerful in our responsiveness that even the gentlest of touches can shift our well being.
Have you ever stepped into a room full of tension and chaos and just felt your neck muscles tighten up or your belly contract? These are all normal responses that your body reacts to based on the energy waves and patterns of your environment. Just like a sweet ripple effect the sound of laughter is so inviting and intoxicating that you would naturally wish to be a part of that joyous energy and you will enter and partake in that playful energy willingly almost like a healing balm.
Energy is free. If we learn how to breathe in this energy purely and deeply enough we need never feel a lack of. And if you have nervous tension or if you feel you have too much nervous energy that is not yours all you need to do is realize you can take in some nurturing deep breathes into your heart and your body naturally wishes to heal itself of drama and trauma.
All you need to remember before healing or touching your lover is to take in some nurturing, healing and loving deep breathes into your own heart chakra so that you can open up to more love in your heart space and be aware of all that loving and free energy from the Universe. Once your heart chakra is fully activated and pulsing with vitality you can then begin to sweep gently over the aura of your partner without even touching their body. Just by hovering over your lover’s body you are smoothing out their auric body caressing and making love to their aura their gentle energy imprint.
Our bodies are more yielding to a gentle non invasive stroke much like wind which gently moves a the tender and delicate wings of a butterfly. So sweep your lover’s energy body first and take your time playing with their energy almost as if you were tickling their energy with a peacock feather.
Using Sage or Sage wands is another perfect example of nurturing your lover’s energy bubble and sweeping out any chaos or debris or excess nervous energy from the day’s events. Make sure of course you leave the window slightly cracked open to allow the smoke to depart and allow the old energy to leave your home.
Aromatherapy is a delicate and mood enhancing elixir and all you need to do is carry some key fragrances such as lemon, lime, grapefruit, vanilla, lavender and any citrus scent to offer a selection and variety to your lover so they can choose which scent they intuitively need as a healing balm. We all gravitate towards certain “comfort” scents so some may prefer flowery, some spicy and pungent, citrus and astringent or bitter and robust. Have a variety of incense sticks and scents so that your lover feels comforted and more open to receive a healing and your touch.
Prepare the room in such a way that enhances calmness, serenity and beauty. If you choose to decorate the room or sacred space with fabrics and feathers choose colors your lover prefers. This is their ceremony so choose colors they gravitate towards. If you wish to use candles try and stick to one color only as this enhances harmony and simplicity. Set the stage for play and make it highly personal. Ask your partner beforehand if they have candle scent preferences and or colors and fabrics that make them feel comforted and not overwhelmed.
Use your voice in a soothing pitch and feel free to sing and hum into your lover’s body. This is called toning and the chakras and energy bodies respond to sounds so sing away and breathe and blow gently on your lover’s body before even laying one finger on their physical being.
Using all senses be creative as you introduce a variety of spices and foods that your lover might want to taste. You might want to have them bite into delicate spices or sweet delicacies as part of their tantric love making adventure.
Tantric love making should involve and engage all the subtle energies in the body before you even decide to engage in physical touch. Just close your eyes and breathe in all the possibilities. Each Sacred Ceremony is a chance for you to reconnect with your inner child and bring you closer to your intuitive divine seed.